On The Necessity of Hibernation
This past week I spent a lot of time in bed, sleeping and waking at odd hours. The result is sciatica, a slightly pinched nerve in my lower back; an emptiness that feels like I could now feel genuinely engaged with work and jobseeking; nostalgia at a lazier pace of life; gratitude for having the choice to have all my time filled or none at all.
That all is maybe bullshit beyond today; even the backpain is bound to disappear. Hopefully the inspiration remains. I have learnt so much, being a workshop junkie and dancing at random, but still it feels like a lot of misdirected or underused energy lays latent in my body, just waiting to reorganise, shuffle, crystalise. I wonder what it is like, not to have the luxury of time. But I suppose even the busiest man learns to enjoy the way his time shifts - if he doesn't, it's not likely having less to do gives him the gift of time anyway. Beyond the momentary pleasure of momentum though, it would be nice if the future could have some sort of shape. Right now my image of the world is sucked and stretched as if I could go anywhere do anything - never quite settling, but then how would I know where I've been or even where I am?
This lack of rigour is good for me, to be able to develop and adhere my own rules to be disciplined by. A week of anarchy is quite enough. I contemplate going for Disney auditions - dance in Tokyo? Not a dream job by any stretch, but being paid money would be nice. As much as I love things like the Imagineers, this behemoth that is Walt has grown way beyond its size. It's so strange to me, how being of a certain stature requires so much power, but also attracts so much attention. Is it really that fun, being greeted by life-sized stuffed toys? I don't recall the experience as a child, so maybe it is fun; but my favourite things were always the rides, experiencing the laws of physics in an entirely different way. Maybe that's how NASA gets their astronauts - kids who love amusement rides.. By that token though, in a bit of a stretch, why can't the "entertainment" be similarly intelligent? But perhaps I pre-judge. Perhaps I should go to the audition just to see what it's like. It's not selling your soul if it's research... right? And if it were -- who's the devil here? Everyone who pays good money to be in an insane crowded cotton candy machine?
That all is maybe bullshit beyond today; even the backpain is bound to disappear. Hopefully the inspiration remains. I have learnt so much, being a workshop junkie and dancing at random, but still it feels like a lot of misdirected or underused energy lays latent in my body, just waiting to reorganise, shuffle, crystalise. I wonder what it is like, not to have the luxury of time. But I suppose even the busiest man learns to enjoy the way his time shifts - if he doesn't, it's not likely having less to do gives him the gift of time anyway. Beyond the momentary pleasure of momentum though, it would be nice if the future could have some sort of shape. Right now my image of the world is sucked and stretched as if I could go anywhere do anything - never quite settling, but then how would I know where I've been or even where I am?
This lack of rigour is good for me, to be able to develop and adhere my own rules to be disciplined by. A week of anarchy is quite enough. I contemplate going for Disney auditions - dance in Tokyo? Not a dream job by any stretch, but being paid money would be nice. As much as I love things like the Imagineers, this behemoth that is Walt has grown way beyond its size. It's so strange to me, how being of a certain stature requires so much power, but also attracts so much attention. Is it really that fun, being greeted by life-sized stuffed toys? I don't recall the experience as a child, so maybe it is fun; but my favourite things were always the rides, experiencing the laws of physics in an entirely different way. Maybe that's how NASA gets their astronauts - kids who love amusement rides.. By that token though, in a bit of a stretch, why can't the "entertainment" be similarly intelligent? But perhaps I pre-judge. Perhaps I should go to the audition just to see what it's like. It's not selling your soul if it's research... right? And if it were -- who's the devil here? Everyone who pays good money to be in an insane crowded cotton candy machine?
posted by b at 4:59 PM
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